Warning: This post contains petty whining, references to winter, and cathartic material. I am not depressed, I just play it on the Internet.
Fall must be on the way; I’m feeling the demotivating doldrums coming on. J– and I talked about this last night about how, in the middle of the day, I felt as if anywhere but where I was would be better. Not the “I want to quit my job and join the Peace Corps” kind of anywhere, just the “not my butt in that seat yet again” kind. Maybe it’s a leftover from a disastrous Labor Day vacation attempt (which I now realize I didn’t blog). Maybe it’s the realization that I just helped justify my team (most of which hasn’t even been hired yet) into $5 million. And, oh yeah, we have to build a complete ERP system in two years.
Maybe it’s the onset of fall and the realization that snow is right around the corner. I actually don’t mind the snow, just the constant dramatics that come with it (“a whole FOOT of snow” Booga booga booga). You’d think each flake was a harbinger of doom the way people prattle on about it.
Maybe it’s not feeling motivated to work on ThinkNOLA, and the guilt that comes with not working on ThinkNOLA, which leads to less motivation, which.. you get the picture. I need to make a concrete list of items I can work on; I know I work better with tasks and items I can cross off.
Maybe it’s looking at my blog and thinking “no one cares”. Not that I want to have thousands of people flaming the hell out of my posts, but this is really, more than anything, vanity. And I don’t like to think myself vain (seriously). So I don’t blog, which doesn’t add good to the equations.
I don’t say these things so people will heap encouragement on me (please don’t) but to, well, confess. These are not excuses, these are ruminations. I know from reading my feeds that there are others not that far removed from me who have far, far more to be depressed about. And this, too, makes me feel guilty. Guilty for wallowing. Guilty for being apathetic. Guilty for sitting on my ass doing nothing to help.
I hear a resolution coming; god let it get here.